Mindful Mothering

"By the time we have children, many of us have become so achievement-orientated, so goal-driven, so addicted to busyness that we lose out ability to relax along with our capacity to notice what is going on in the now. One of the greatest gifts children bring is the way they guide, if not force, our attention back home to the present. Young children live in the present moment, oblivious to the past, unconcerned about the future. They see objects, people and events with fresh eyes, and with wonder. If we choose to, we can take on their viewpoint and see our surroundings as if for the first time. Once jaded, world-weary parents can find themselves lying in their backyards, fascinated at the proceedings of an ant colony. If we let them, children can teach us the value of time with no objectives, a skillful kind of laziness free from the need for productivity."

This is an extract from Sarah Napthali's book Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children, becoming a mindful parent which I was gifted from a beautiful friend and mother.

Am I buddhist? No, but this book is definitely my #1 recommended read for any new parent. Getting up multiple times in the night to a teething child is always easier when you are filled with compassion and understanding. Don't get me wrong, I don't bounce out of bed smiling to tend to Little A and lets face it, sleep deprivation can make all rational thoughts go out the window. But empathy, understanding and compassion can help how we experience those difficult times.


This year I set a New Year's resulotion to have inner peace. The goal was NOT to be happy but to be at peace within myself which in turn has bought about greater happiness. I don't believe feeling happiness all the time to be possible and or even appropriate... should we be happy when faced with loss? I don't think so!

Earlier this year I did a meditation course run by buddhist teacher Kelsang Norjin. I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time and if meditation wasn't challenging enough trying to meditate with an active little boy in your belly was near impossible. That was ok though, I didn't go for a day of meditation but instead I had enrolled hoping to learn the art of meditation. I knew I would have lots of practice to do outside of the course. What I didn't know was just how hard true meditation is.

Going in to this class I believed meditation to be a relaxing process in which you let your mind free. I quickly discovered I was wrong. In actual fact it is the exact opposite...training your mind and FOCUSING on one thing. There is nothing relaxing about learning and trying to master meditation. It takes discipline and perserverance. I found it to be extremely difficult and frustrating.

By lunch time I was ready to give up. After 2 morning sessions of meditation I think I had achieved up to 3 breaths of "true" meditation. Luckily I bumped into the teacher on lunch break (before I made my planned escape) and after being informed that 21 breaths is "master level" of meditation I was starting to feel a little more encouraged. "Bugger it" I thought, I might as well have another crack... so I stayed for the afternoon session.

By the end of the day I was feeling much more comfortable and relaxed with meditation. Whilst I hadn't progressed past 5 breaths in a row I felt I had learned a lot and couldn't wait to try it out without the interruptive kicks from my belly!

How did my head get filled with so much stuff that I could't truly focus on ONE thing (my breathing) with NO other thoughts for more than 5 seconds?!?!

Fast forward 7 months and life is much different. When Little A was a newborn I could pass hours just gazing at him and feeling him breath on my chest, then it was hours spent engaging with him as he became more aware. Now it is hours sitting in the high chair experiencing food and watching him discover and experience everything for the first time. Life is lived at a much more relaxing pace and such simple things bring me joy.

Yes there is lots of chaos here too. Days when I can't wait for bath time to come around because I feel so stretched and exhausted. Days when the endless washing and folding makes me feel so unispired.

Luckily, they are dispersed between moments of absolute wonder and amazement and I am so grateful to be aware of and capable of fully experiencing these.

My journey to living mindufully started before Little A was even in my belly (not long before) but Little A's arrival has only enriched it and assisted me to slow down and live in the present.

If you are looking for a beautiful book to read, I highly recommend Sarah Napthali's Buddhism for mothers of young children, becoming a mindful parent.

If you are looking for a "challenge" to enrich your life I highly recommend learning the art of meditation... just don't expect results over night!

6 months

It feels like yesterday Little A gave us his first smile. Now he just can't wipe that cheesy grin from his face.

Mind you he does have a lot to smile about. This month Little A got his first set of wheels! No longer happy to "sit" back in his rocker we decided it was time for a walker. After test driving a couple...

"Not my style mummy"

"Does it have power steering"


We finally settled on this one...

He loves standing up in it and is slowly figuring out that if he "pushes off" he moves. Mind you he can't seem to get it out of reverse at the moment which causes him great frustration!

Also making the Little guy smile is his new Jolly Jumper...

Anything that tires that bundle of energy out makes mummy happy too!

Teething
This month saw the arrival of two teeth! Teething is joyful... NOT!!! Bucket loads of drool, bright red cheeks, short naps, frequent night waking and a sad and grizzly boy.

The Womens and Childrens Hospital teething gel worked wonders for us when his second tooth cut through. Little A has never really taken to "teething toys" which is strange because he his happy to put just about anything else in his mouth...

We are only one tenth of the way through the whole teething process but I can tell you the best advice and treatment for a teething baby (in our limited experience) is CUDDLES!


Solids
we have continued to introduce Little A to new foods and he is now enjoying 3 meals a day. New on the menu is Pumpkin, Carrot, Banana, Pear, Broccoli & Lentils.

We have also introduced rusks. I love them because they will keep Little A entertained for at least 20 minutes but I hate them because the aftermath takes about 20 minutes to clean up!

"What mess mum?"


Sleeping

Last month I was left wondering if we would still have to wrap this boy when he was 13! Turns out that teething may have just helped Little A to move out of wraps. One night Little A grizzled until he had his arm free (to put in his mouth!)

The next night I wrapped him with an arm free and the night after that we said good bye to wrapping and are now using sleep sacks. I love Sleep Sacks! Apart from being super cute they are so practical. Although after 5 months of having him pinned down it was a little scary to walk in and find him down the other end of the cot or on his belly playing...

I would love to say that Little A has been sleeping through the nights and we have all been getting loads of sleep but that would be a FAT LIE! In reality we are all getting the least amount of sleep since Little A came along.

Rewind a month or two ago and the only reason Little A woke was to feed. Easy... feed and back in cot. Now it feels like there are 100 different things going on. Teething. Growth spurts. Seperation anxiety (yep, Suddenly he is aware he is all alone in his room and if he cries mummy & daddy come).

As much as I am happy to demand feed, I don't want to be used as a human dummy so it's been a challenge to establish what's really going on each night and tend to him in a way that I am comfortable doing long term. We seem to have gotten on top of it... for now!


Finally, here are some of my favourite pics from this month...

"who changed the channel?"

"Mummy & Daddy will never find me here"

"Can you get my phillips head?"

"mummy will be in BIG trouble when dad sees this photo!"

"Hmmm... Everything looks a bit orange."

Wordless Wednesday

Running... the answer to everything

Hmmm maybe this wonder week only lasted 3 days I thought to myself as I washed Little A's breakfast bowl. The little guy was playing happily in his high chair and after only waking for one feed the night before it was a nice contrast to the grizzly bub I had encountered on and off over the last few days. Little A was just shy of 23 weeks and I had put his grizzling and desperate need for mummy and cuddles down to a wonder week.

After the breakfast clean up, I took Little A in to Big A who was enjoying a snooze in. The two boys played and cuddled while I got dressed for my run. It was Sunday and I was due to do my long run. I was keen to crank out some Ks so I decided I would do a treadmill run. The plan was 90 minutes and my goal was 18km.

With everything in place for my run I offered Little A his pre-sleep feed. After a whole lot of fussing and not much feeding I decided it was time to wrap and settle the obviously over tired baby.

As soon as I laid the little guy on his wrap grizzling turned to screaming. I sat in the nursing chair cuddling and rocking confident that he was just over-tired and would settle soon...

10 minutes later and no sign of settling Big A came in to take over. I was happy to trade places by this stage. I paced the hallway waiting for my cue (silence) to jump on the treadmill... 10 minutes later we were no closer to having a sleeping baby.

The longer it took to settle the worse it was getting. I decided to bite the bullet and started packing the pram. I told Big A of my plan and he happily placed the "unsettleable" baby in to the pram.

By the time I hit the end of the street the little guy was fast asleep. Once we reached the river I plugged my hands-free in and called Big A to make plans. We hadn't managed to exchange a word over the screaming baby and I wanted to make sure he was on stand-by in case the miserable-looking sky decided to leak on us. I decided I would do an hour run (if the weather allowed) and meet Big A at Macdonalds for raison toast and coffee (we earned it!)

11km later I pulled off the track and started the recovery walk to meet Big A. The little guy was still fast asleep and stayed that way for another hour while we enjoyed our coffee and toast. Apparently screaming at the top of your lungs for 30 minutes is tiring work!

About a week later Little A's bottom 2 teeth cut through his gums. Was it a wonder week, was it teething, was it separation anxiety or was it just a REALLY over tired baby? I don't know. Either way I thank god for stroller running. The little guy settled and got what he needed (sleep), Big A got what he needed (caffeine) and I got what I needed (a run).

I know there will be a next time and when that comes around I want hesitate about getting Little A in that stroller!

5 months

Make yourself a cuppa and put your feet up this is going to be a long one! It has been an exciting and eventful month for our little guy.

After weeks of staring at us eating and even trying to steal rice off my plate we decided it was time to introduce Little A to the wonderful world of solids. The process has been a gradual one as we are introducing one new food each week. Starting with Farex, Little A has since enjoyed Sweet Potato, Apple and most recently Avocado. He happily devours everything on offer and lets out a desperate wail if you haven't reloaded the spoon by the time he has swallowed his last mouthful. His obvious LOVE of food is a sure sign he is my son (in case that experience of child birth ever fades and I am ever left wondering!!!!) However it is not all smiles and smooth sailing at food time. Here is how a typical mealtime plays out...

"Is that for me?"

"Bring my bib back... I'm not done!"

Speaking of bibs I discovered very quickly that they don't cover much and when you are an OCD mother dealing with curious little fingers and sweet potato they just don't cut it. Enter the painting smock...

"I thought you were just kidding about wrapping me in plastic"

Here is some more mealtime fun for you:

"Any chance of seconds?"

"Okay no seconds then. What about some dessert?"

"What about that banana over there"

"NO DESSERT!!!"

Little A's appetite isn't the only thing that has developed this month. Now that he has well and truly mastered the grasping of things he wants to grab everything in sight. This is making simple things like trying to read a book a bit more of a challenge! On the plus side though he is starting to enjoy his toys on a whole new level...

Tummy time is turning into a desperate bid to get moving. Luckily (for us) he is a little way off actually getting anywhere just yet but its super cute to watch him try his little heart out. Most attempts to draw his knees up and lift his hips result in a face plant which is quite entertaining!

In regards to sleep I have finally adjusted to the 2 feeds per night which hasn't changed since it started last month. Apart from the feeds Little A is more settled at nights again. We did have one night this month that gave me insight as to what its like to get up 5 times in the space of a 2.5 hours! Luckily things returned to normal again the next night. Sleep deprivation doesn't suit me!

As for daytime sleeps we have now dropped down to 3 sleeps per day. These sleeps can vary in length from 30 minutes up to 2.5 hours. Generally I find that his first sleep in the morning is his best sleep for the day. Like all mothers I just adore a sleeping baby! Here are my favourite snoozing shots from this month...

All in all it has been an amazing month filled with lots of special memories. I can't wait to see what next month holds.

When did you stop wrapping baby for sleep time?
Any tips on helping them adjust?

Exciting times

Guess who dropped in to talk all things running?

My new Lil Running Buddy.

I did ask him to do a guest post but unfortunately he is too busy with his eating, playing and sleeping schedule. However he did agree to answer a few questions...


Have you experimented with different approaches to your sessions
Yes. There are 2 main styles I use:

The first one I don't do often but it looks like this...

and the second one is a much more relaxed approach ...

People say you are determined. Would you agree?
Yes. I know what I want and I have ways of making sure I get it...

How do you deal with runners belly?
Don't tell anyone but I wear nappies on all runs!

How are you enjoying running with your new running buddy?
Can I take the fifth?

Yes, Little A and I have enjoyed our first run out and about in the stroller. It went better than I could have hoped for. I did feel the difference pushing the pram but it only knocked about 30-40seconds off my pace. I loved the sympathetic looks from fellow runners as I hit the hills!

Now that we have had our test run, as long as the weather allows I will try and do my Easy Runs with Little A in the stroller. The stroller running will help to keep my pace where it needs to be for the Easy Runs and it will also allow me to get some Ks out on the pavement. I can't believe I am saying this but I have grown very fond of my treadmill runs and have even opted to do my weekend runs (when Big A is home and I can go out) at home on the treadmill. Hopefully I will find my groove back out on the pavement again. With 60km of awesome running track on my doorstep its a waste to confine myself to the treadie by choice!

Little A wasn't the only baby to join the running community this month. Check out this gorgeous little girl. She does it with style!

Thanks and No Thanks

I hope we raise our children to be grateful. I believe gratitude has a positive impact on how we experience life. I don't keep a daily gratitude diary but a day doesn't go by when I don't feel grateful for:

-> My gorgeous family
-> My health
-> Beautiful friends and
-> The ability to live my dreams

This week though there has been a few things that I am not grateful for:

No thanks to the stranger at the shops who publicly told me to "feed the poor child" when Little A let out a little cry from the pram. Too bad he didn't see me sitting at a cafe 30 minutes earlier doing just that!

No thanks to the man at the shops yesterday who told me that my child is hungry and I should feed him. No, Little A was not crying or even making a noise. He was simply chewing on his finger which is pretty standard for him these days! "Give him something sweet, maybe some chocolate" he said (!!!)

No thanks to the same man who checked with me 5 minutes later outside the shop "have you fed him yet? Did you give him something sweet?"

Starving child? I don't think so!

What makes anybody an expert on my child or his needs when they have laid their eyes on him for all of 5 seconds?!?! Just for the record Little A is demand fed which is still about 7 times per day and he is above the 50th percentile for his weight. Trust me, there is no starving child here.

Little A does grizzle when he's hungry but he also grizzles when he wants attention, when he's tired, when the sun is in his eyes or for 100 other reasons I can list off!

The worst thing is I KNOW these people have good intentions. They are well meaning and are just trying to be helpful but seriously NO THANKS! Sometimes my gorgeous little boy will cry or grizzle but rest assured he is not starving and in a minute or two when I have tended to his needs he will be ok... NO NEED TO PANIC!

Luckily there's been a lot recently that I am grateful for to balance out this tirade of unwanted advice. In a material world there is nothing like parenthood to remind you what is important. Here are just a few gestures that have have really touched me recently:


-> Friends and family who have cooked meals for us. It is such a thoughtful gesture and in my opinion the best present you can give parents with a new baby.

-> A phone call from a friend telling me to come with Little A to her house in my running gear. On arrival I was sent off for a run while she looked after Little A. It was a real treat to have a "pavement" run and recharge for a little bit.

-> Hanging up washing, folding washing, cooking dinner, drying dishes and all the other wonderful things my mummy did while she stayed with us. It was amazing!

Thanks to all our beautiful friends and family who have offered unconditional love, support and guidance as we have started our journey into parenthood. We are so grateful to have such an amazing support network.

SO BLESSED.

4 months

This month I discovered just how lucky we had been with Little A's night time sleep routine when it went out the window. Apparently around 4 months (but could be anywhere between 3 - 5 months) babies may have a "sleep regression". In the blink of an eye I went from getting up once a night to up to 5 times per night! It was a rude shock! Luckily the worst of it only lasted a couple of weeks and this mummy is back to getting some decent blocks of sleep again!

This month we have a very special mummy staying with us. . . MY MUMMY! Little A is loving his granny time and I am loving the extra pair of hands. I am achieving twice as much these days while Little A hangs out with his new playmate.

Chilling with granny


Speaking of new friends . . .

Monkey meet monkey!


With solid food just around the corner we decided it was a good time to introduce Little A to his high chair. Did he like it?

I think so!

"hmmm. . . something doesn't seem right about this"

"Isn't this thing meant to come with food?"

"Nope, definitely nothing here!"

" MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!! Get me out of here!"


Next time I decided to try and keep Little A entertained with toys. . .

"You can't fool me. . . I'm here to eat!"

This month also saw us move from the bassinet to the forward facing pram and as I suspected he loved it. . .

Its been a ridiculously cold month in Adelaide and we have been keeping Little A rugged up in soft blankies and cute hats. But apparently we went too far when we tried to dress him like an eskimo. . .

"Can I have my bib back now?"

"This is more my style. . . gangsta"

Little A who has always been "expressive" (basically he tells you if he's not happy) has grown his vocabularly this month. He is experimenting with lots of new sounds and will happily babble to himself in his cot. I have to say its very cute and I just adore his little voice. However at 3am child ???? There is nothing that important that you can't tell me in the morning!

We also had the 4 month immunisations this month. All I can say is we survived it. Apparently it doesn't get any easier but at least this time I knew what to expect!

Finally, here is my favourite photo from this month. . .

Sleeping Angel!